Tormented, as a Kenyan.

The lecturer terminated the class in a euphoric mood. It was on a Friday late evening where we all gladly left for home from class as others quenched their throats on the so-called members day. I walked briskly to the bus stage, on my way, I  bought myself the 130 kenya shillings ugali, fish and sukuma. That was so expensive I would think yet the cheapest from the menu, gobbled it down greedily, like I had not eaten for that whole week. I got myself a matatu and sat on one of the front seats. It was as old as the matatu age. You would hear metal sound as it moved. It was not that I could not get myself into a cozy one, but the fact that the matatu conductor offered me a fifteen-shilling discount  boosted it all. That would buy me a mosquito coil and a packet of tea leaves for the next day. Off we went, with some slight taste of reggae music that kept passengers entertained and could quite forget about the status of the matatu. I enjoyed it too, why lie?

As we were close to the roadblock where the police would check for passenger excesses, insurance stickers and if the driver had a license, I heard the two (driver and the conductor) conversing in vernacular.

  "Wekelea hio pesa."
  "Niko na soo leta finje tupeane!"

So the driver gave the conductor a fifty shilling note which was to be handed over to the police. This was confusing, there was no excess, there was an empty seat infact. The drivers license lied on the dashboard and the insurance sticker was as new and as blue like it was just kept. We were still in a queue of other matatus going through the same. I found this hectic and tiresome. The most we all wanted was to get home after a very long day. Our turn came, the tipsy police came over with his torch, never bothered to inspect on what the roadblock was kept for. Took the conductor down. I didnt figure out what they tried to talk about all I heard was.."..afande asante!" As he gave him the fifty shillings note. I couldnt explain my feeling. Could be confusion, disgust or also anger. I couldnt stop myself from asking why they had to pay yet all was right and set.

"Nchi ni yao na viongozi, common mwananchi nitaumia kila siku." The desperate driver replied in a very low tone, signaling fear just in case anyone might hear him. This was just sad. This was the end of a great nation. As we were discussing on such, one illiterate, ugly old crone who has never stepped in a secular class nor does she know what goes on in her country shouted at the top of her voice.

"Amani kama hii nchini Kenya, we wouldnt ask for more, let Burundi burn themselves to ashes."

I found that irrelevant, like would you miss a thing to say. Am personally proud of Burundi citizens, doing what is patriotic for them to do. Such greedy African leaders must be rooted out of power. Our nations are nothing but dictatorial regimes dressed up in "democracy". Yes, democracy must be in quotes. It will remain desirable in Africa, moreso in Kenya for as long as dictators remain in power. Yet to her that is peace (amani). She's damned if thats what she knows. Poor her!

The common mwananchi cries alot, yet he owns the nation. Crying in your own home? Even inhuman wouldnt describe it best. Large chunks of tax are cut off from our salaries. The Pay As You Earn 30% tax cut is too much. Where does all this money go to? It has reached an extent we also got to pay in roadblocks for a simple matatu check. Am not proud. Never been, and if I get proud, all my endless problems must have been done away with. All is costly, nothing favours the poor. No aid from the government. At once I wished I was a Burundi Citizen, asmuch as they may be protesting for the presidents step down, most of their protests are about the bad governance. They wouldnt just say it, but would anyone root a good leader out?

I remember a time when I assisted a friend with her 6 months baby to one of the government hospitals in the Coast, it was critically ill. As we called on the nurses each seemed busy chatting and giggling. They said the doctor had not arrived. The worry that was on my friends face would clearly be noticed. She would repeatedly say...."If I would have been paid in time, I would have gone to a private hospital."
She was a teacher in one of the government secondary schools and had not been paid for six months in a row. The rude nurses would laugh at her each time she asked if the doctor was coming over.

"Hehehehe madam! You cant wait? We told you he'll be here. Kua mpole!" And she would slam the door.

Each time I looked at the toddler, goosebumps ran all over my body, but I tried to keep strong. It was all weak. Its lower lip shaking so fast as it wheezed, craving for air. Its temperature was very high. There was no hope! We still tried to be patient. A lady close to us offered us breakfast. We could not eat. Things were getting worse. The baby shivered continously. My heart was in my mouth. God help us! It grew cold, the shaking lip stopped and it felt slightly heavier. It was gone. Life slipped out of her mouth like it was some other thing. Sad, isnt it? The mother still calling out the babies name. That was when the nurses rushed it in. To our knowledge the doctor was in the office the whole time. This was just sad. I couldnt do anything. I felt useless. I felt weak. The feeling one gets when you lose it all. Am not Kenyan. If this is being Kenyan then I'd call myself a refugee. In my own dead country. It doesnt live in my eyes. It never did. Maybe it should have lived during the independent stage just after the whites were driven away. Those were leaders. The leaders we see in books. Its like they never existed in real life.

The government has failed us, they all have. None has been of good. Loans are incurred from outside, we get grants and the taxpayers money. Where does all this go to? To fill up bellies while we cry in agony over no water, we always in  blackout, poor health facilities, the free education which is not free at all if even one pays for exam fee. The list is endless. The budget is read yet a very unrealistic kind of budget. Large chunks of money allocated to small projects which are also unfulfilled.

The anguish I get as a Kenyan cannot be explained. I feel it even from the one shilling value added tax I pay from the shop. Sovereignty lies on the people, but we have lost it, indeed we have. If there is a messiah that will save us from all this, may he come! This hopeless state needs him the most. Dictators dont have to be Hitler, assess our leaders, worse than Hitler can be seen in them. They just hold and play the humble card. Sycophants shout and their work is done. Gets a second term in office by force and history repeats itself. Lest we get careful and our eyes open up to the truth, we will forever be refugees in our own country.